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Marriage: “do or die?” or “do or live?”

I honestly do not understand why marriage is viewed as a do or die affair. marriage is no one’s last bus stop but some people make it seem so. why is it that in the Nigerian society marriage seems to be so crucial. this obviously causes desperation in men and women… yeah i said it, there are also desperate men. this is also one of the reasons why so many marriages are failing. people are pushed into looking for a lifetime partner due to social and family pressure and no one is looking for Mr or Miss right for me but they are busy marrying Mr and Miss right now.

if a lady is approaching her thirties and is not in a relationship heading for marriage or married, it is always a problem. then when they pass the 30 age mark it becomes a problem to find a man to take you as wife… and even if he did, his family may have a big problem with it.

notice how when you are married the people who pushed you into it are not the ones actually living your life or helping you deal with the emotional, mental and physical stress caused by the marriage rushed to early…
why RUSH??? is marriage just about the wedding and letting people know yeah I’m married now… what is it about marriage that tells people just do it anyhow… it is a thing that requires the two P’s: patience and prayer.
so even when you don’t marry, why is it such a big deal… especially for the women. if the right person has not come along must the desperation lead you into a lifetime of sorrow or a marriage of chance (meaning you don’t know if it will be a happy or bad union).

i know loneliness is not the best way to live a life but is is better than suffering with a companion from hell. why not wait for the right moment; be it age 30, 40 or 50… i do not like the idea of a divorce and it hurts to know that this is the new solution for a problem in a marriage. this is because the match was not the right one from the start…

I believe in marriage, and I hope to get married someday but should I kill myself while searching for a spouse… I don’t think so. If I do die, I have certainly failed in my search mission… no spouse, no life… nice results eh?


so i ask is marriage really a do or die affair??? or a DO OR LIVE??


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Comments

Comments
  • Myne Whitman July 3, 2010 at 10:41 am

    if a lady is approaching her thirties and is not in a relationship heading for marriage or married, it is always a problem. then when they pass the 30 age mark it becomes a problem to find a man to take you as wife… and even if he did, his family may have a big problem with it.

    ****

    This is the one me I still don't understand…

  • Aribaba & The 40 July 4, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    I always say, the same way u rush into marriage is the same way u rush out. Marriage no be by force man… If it happens, then so be it, but if it doesn't then why the rush?

  • My 2 cents July 4, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    Marriage no be by force, very true, but menapause will be by force. If you are a woman and you want to be married and have children naturally (key word "naturally", we all know about in vitro for our older ladies) then sometimes you have to not waste time with unserious bobos.

    There is too much pressure on women these days to do it all. You have to have the education, the career, the husband, the 5 children, the proper waistline after the kids, be a gourmet chef, be a freak in the sheets and a lady in the streets… chei!, stress don kill me o. And do all of that by the age of 35!

    Then to top it off the men that are our age are chasing money left and right, wanting to be completely established with a $2.2 million house before they will marry any babes.

    Me, I just live my life. Marriage won't be by force and I won't stress things I can't control.

    • Deebs July 5, 2010 at 7:09 pm

      love your reply… well said

      • cweezy July 8, 2010 at 4:58 am

        true talk my dear

  • Buki July 4, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    Nicely said.

  • Deebs July 5, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    funny my mum says the exact same thing… "u rush, u rush out"… and if it works you'll be doing the same darn thing for the rest of your life and no matter how fun, exciting, hot, smart e.t.c he/she was initially, you'll get so used to it you'll have to remind yourself of why it was so important…. so bottom line is cool temper and enjoy not having stay up with babies all night, cook dinner and bathe the kids every evening after working a 10-hour day, and asking you spouse if you can take a vacation cos someone has to stay home with the kids…

  • belladonna1012 July 8, 2010 at 6:56 am

    For women we have clocks that tic tock tic tock… So yes that is why it seems like it is a do or die thing for us. That is if we want to have children. Unfortunately men these days capitalize on the perceived desperation these women are oozing out of thier pores and use and abuse them… Sha women be careful and take time selecting the ones that are serious… Let the time wasters go. They are all out there… Wolves in sheeps clothing… trying to get as much play as they can forgetting that they are no longer in their 20's. Some of them are even approaching 40 and still want to play.

  • oluwaseun September 12, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    well said,we make it look as if marriage is a do or die affair in Nigeria.why get married cos of pressure from families and friends?funny enough they wont be there when the marital issues starts coming.fine,its normal for your friends and families to raise an eyebrow bout not getting married on time but the truth of the matter is that they should try and pray for one not to get married to the wrong individual instead of prying.

  • MissJ.D.. November 22, 2010 at 12:02 am

    My dears, like y'all, I have only become increasingly puzzled as to why and how marriage has become a do or die affair, especially for women. I am single, I do get lonely, I love and believe in Marriage, commitment and romance and I pray to be a wife and mother.

    Nevertheless, I will do myself more harm than good if I bow to familial and societal pressures of being wifed up and marry the next available guy/man that comes my way. Everyone has their own reasons why they choose to marry and I can only pray and hope that mine will be based on God, Love, romance and not that desperate need to fulfill and satisfy societal and familial demands.

    I have seen women who meet and marry men within 5, 6, 7,8……12 months all because they have no time to waste or lose. I have watched couples who don't interact, who are not emotionally involved with each other, just like working for the government as a civil or public servant where the worker just goes with the flow, raising no questions and offering no opinions or solutions

    I'D RATHER BE SINGLE THAN WASTE YEARS IN AN UNHAPPY, UNHEALTHY MARRIAGE…..even those same kids you trying to protect maybe watching you and taking mental notes which could still affect them without even a divorce occuring

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