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Helloo!? Is Being Different A Crime??

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Have you ever gone to a Nigerian social gathering, and suddenly wished you’d stayed home and not showed up, in the first place?

Well I have!

I attended a social gathering that was supposedly for networking. It was nice, filled with hard working young Nigerian men and women. One tiny problem, everyone looked alike; they all had their certificates or professions mapped on their foreheads with no personality!

You know what I mean. Now, we (proud Nigerians) are hard working people, we love life, and we love to live it. However, something has been bugging me for the longest time, and It’s time I asked a simple question…

Why are we so UNIFORM?

Have you not noticed? At social gatherings, 98% of the ladies have fake weaves (usually almost as long as Rapunzel’s hair), makeup looking like they just came from a face painting contest (looking like clowns), attitude as if they’ve been beaten and warned not to talk to strangers (even if na them dress up and drive 50 miles to come find husband O). The only thing that comes out of their mouths are: “well, I’m in Med School.” They have no personalities, they won’t even be nice or smile at a fellow sista! They’re so programmed that even if you ask these ladies: “what is your father’s name?” They will respond: “hahaha, I’m in Med School…”

The men nko, oh boy, the men! They are standing around in corners, with their often bushy (uncombed/unbrushed) hair, all of them have a Ralph Lauren Polo shirt on (with fly-collars and a Bluetooth ear piece on one ear), clumped in groups, talking amongst themselves. Maybe because they’re scared to step up and approach the drag-queen look alike(s), or they just don’t know watin “social gathering” mean. If you feel me say AMEN!

And I stand in my little space just watching everyone. Body language, eye connection, fake smiles, one is scratching her stinky-greasy weave, the other one is bad-eye-ing another girl that looks better than her, one dude is talking about soccer, while the other is checking his cell phone (that has no reception in the area) for the 20th time e.t.c.

And don’t be the new person who enters the room; you will be the new exhibit on display for the next five minutes. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) will stare at you and size you up. The ones wey go judge you, go look you and detect say you get 3 parents, you be igbo girl, and you wear a size 6 shoe, you must be 25 years old, used to date their best friend’s papa-brother’s-pinkin’s-aunty’s-son’s-cousin, in 1999. Worst of all, she dares to not be a doctor? She’s an economist? What taboo! Yet, they don’t know your name.

It’s time to grow up and be human for a second. We wonder why we no get husband/wife? Well, you need a personality makeover! No one wants to be with a “Zombie” *in my Fela accent*. If this is you (and you know it is), give that weave back to lady Gaga, tone down the makeup (it’s ugly) and use colors made for black women. Fellas, step up and talk to that chick you like, be RESPECTFUL, try not to ask stupid (LAME) questions. Be yourself! You don’t owe anyone any explanation!

Variety is good!


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Comments

comments


Comments

Comments
  • ShadeNoncon November 18, 2010 at 11:32 am

    Haha. The description of the scene is funny. Ditto the sizing people up ish. It's very annoying.

    Uniformity does suck. But we'll get there. We're making progress.

  • truth November 18, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Ngo, this piece is far from true. What kind of mess is this. Which kind social gatherings do you attend with these people you describe? When I read the title of the piece I thought it would be a much better piece not this rubbish. We as youth need not to be critizing one another style ….

  • sola November 18, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    true talks especially these 9ja folks in Md

  • COTB November 18, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    Very funny….lol

  • Kelz November 18, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    Prior to moving to the DC / MD area I would have been like "I don't know about this" but now that I live here…I see it! It's crazy around here, the girls think they are the Nigerian Kim K or Rihanna. The article is spot on for a place like this, but it is definitely, I think, a regional thing. Only thing is that the guys aren't completely swaggerless, they have too much swagger half the time, they think they are the Nigerian Kanye or Diddy, and approach a woman – tufia! These guys are too big for that, all women should be fighting to be with them, they can't bring themselves down enough to actually make the first move.

    That's my opinion…

  • Deebs November 18, 2010 at 5:17 pm

    Ngo is right on, as far as a lot of Naija gatherings… don't get me wrong, most Naija peeps are amazing. And most of these guys and girls end up being a lot of fun once they get past the posing, except the posing can be such a big turn off! That being said ain't nothing wrong with being a Doctor :)…lol, it doesn't mean you should have the personality of colored dishwater, but dishwater none the less.

    The thing is you notice this a lot more if you live in areas where there aren't that many Nigerians. You get used to meeting ridiculously smart and good looking males and females who don't act like they have a major case of inferiority complex, and then you go to a Nigerian gathering, and you're like wow! I forgot people acted like this outside of high school…just saying.

    • madam December 5, 2010 at 5:11 am

      mehn! 'perssonality os coloured dish water' my phrase for the week, so good!

  • Nigerian Scorpio November 18, 2010 at 6:12 pm

    Why the med student hate? I don't think this article was well written at all.

    • Girl February 24, 2011 at 5:54 am

      Hater!

      You were 'sized' up in the article abi?….(rhetoric)…

      I say an AMEN! to NGO

  • onyii November 18, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    Lol…..wats up with everyone calln out the dmv area …..

    But honestly its so true. I love ur article n ur def right on point. Still lol at checkn his phone 20xs with no reception:)

  • Sanka Ekwensu November 18, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    Nna meen…who rattled your cage? Yes…granted, make-up is like light fluid ( less is more) but this yarns na straight-up hating. Biko cool down and let people live their lives however they want.

  • Ammonia November 18, 2010 at 10:36 pm

    Borrrrriiing!!!!! WTF r u talking about?? I mean nice heading but awful content. Naija girls wear fake weaves?? Nigguh pls!!! Naija guys go around wit brushy hair?? Are u outta ur minds?? Naija guys wey like posing!!

    Anyway, e b like u just start blogging… learn how to blog b4 u dey come up with this kain stoopid article!! Haba!

    But u did get 1 thing right… Naija peeps too dey size up each other!! Schwepps… e tire me oh!!!

  • iTalk November 19, 2010 at 1:47 am

    I like the article…..

    Naija people like to fooooorm…. hehehehe…. me no send…

    Well, i think the people in the social gathering misunderstodd what a social gathering meant… once the whole purpose of an exercise is misplaced then all is lost…. Maybe they just needed someone to jolt them back to reality and make them understand the purpose of the gathering.

    Didnt the gathering have a facilitator who would have broken the ice or made the whole experience better?

  • madam December 5, 2010 at 5:17 am

    We all no this is correct! abeg, people stop being melo dramatic! naija girls make up ridiculiouslly it doesnt even make sence, (they know them selves) with the bad snow we dey fall here, u go still see naija babes forming mini and micro! oh well!

    as for the seizing up, it is the order of the day, the people wey dey seize sef… shweee wetin dem get? leave mata! with my head of dreads na so so 'advice' people dey give me say guys no go date me lol!Naija, we too fake

  • Akintola Gideon December 30, 2010 at 5:49 am

    Na true yarn.From now on,I'd give myself a personality make over.Uniformity does suck.I happen to be a law student and I undferstand how it feels (having to wear white over black 4 days in a week).Uniformity bars self expression.The denial of self expression is in itself bondage.

  • Cool dude December 31, 2010 at 12:03 am

    dont be ridiculous man!taken,we form alot here,but the unkempt look n no network thing is rather very unreal haba! bet u was tryin to be funny or jst beside urself in aworld…….

  • Happychic! April 3, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    This is so true!!! Great job, great article and funny too. I reside in California, and it's the same drama over here too. I give you thumbs up for being right on point on… NOT SMILING AND SIZING UP PEOPLE! What else can i say, you 've said it all. First time on your site and i like your materials. Keep it up.

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