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You Will Never Find a Husband, Pray All You Want

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As a woman, its not a bad thing if you want a man that has all your criteria, but it gets to a point when you should get off your high horse. I have this 36 years old aunt who is still as choosy as she was when she was 18 year old. I grew up listening to her with so much zeal and excitement cos I thot that was the ish. This is the criteria for everyman that wants to marry her :

1. You must be dark and tall. My aunty is as dark as charcoal so i wonder wetin she go born if she dey find dark man.

2. You must be a doctor or she fit manage pharmacist. Note,She is a teacher

3. Your parents must be influential in Nigeria or in the world. God forgive me, her parents are not “influential”

4. You must be as fine as Boris kodjoe but she says she can manage Tyson beckford. Note, she is not a pretty lady oo, so you wonder y monkey they call person monkey.

5. You must have at least $100,000 in your account prior to toasting her. She earns less than 45,000 naira monthly.

6. You must have white teeth cos she cant marry anyone with brown teeth. You need to see my aunty’s teeth. its like palm oil mixed in poo poo

7. Your house must be fully tushed up. aka furnished

8. You must live in ABJ. she dey live for ojota

9. You should dress fashionably, aka. kill people fashion sense

10. Your mama must not be alive cos she cant stand mother inlaw. her own mama dey alive yet she wants someone’s else’s mother dead.

11. You must be driving the latest model of any car cos he no fit enter okada. Btw, she no get motto oo, na leggedes benz she dey use most of the time.

The list goes on and on. Whatever happened to understanding, God-fearing, well-behaved, loving, obedient, Spiritual. On the first date, any toaster way no pass any of her criteria is disqualified.No wonder she is still single, searching and crying ” who be my enemies wey they attack me and hinder my happiness.” You may be wondering if no one has been talking some sense into her. But the truth is that everyone including my parents and her parents have shut their mouth up cos my aunty bad mouth fit make person commit suicide. The worst thing about my aunty is that she is soo religious, she join choir so she fit see fine bobo. She also dey prayer band so she can pray for a husband. My aunty fasts like crazy with the hope of getting a husband.

The day I summoned up courage to tell her the reason she can’t find a husband, she nearly chop me die. Notin way she no tell me ooo , she no even call me since den cos she say I be bad belle way no get sense. She says even the Bible says she should not settle for less. I guess she is reading a Bible I never heard of. but the question is that, na so dem they take find husband ? With a list like that ? Likewise, there are a thousand of women including me who make silly criteria’s for husband. But really, do we possess some of those things we want them to possess. Look at yourself b4 aiming too high. Even if you pray and fast from now till forever, your prayer will not be answered except you lower those your unneccessary standards.


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Comments

Comments
  • tplusf November 28, 2010 at 5:22 am

    LOL!!! i can't help but laugh… the list is so vague but that's how some women are!!!

  • NaijaBeBe November 28, 2010 at 7:31 am

    Great article dear. Very funny but quite true. A lot of females dont even know know what they want and most of them are not realistic with their 'wants' in men. No man is perfect and what really matters is his character. Does he have admirable values and morals? does he respect you, treat you good, genuinely care for about you and what you love, is he God fearing, have a drive/ambition, intellectually rich and exciting, does a brother have a job and keep a job? , educated? these are better things to look out for and not irrelevant issues.

    A lot of females waste their time looking for things that dont matter in their younger days and get a tad desperate when they get older and before they realise, they are settling for the …youknowwho…

    Before I got married, one of my girlfriends found everything wrong with my husband and judged me very critically for marrying him cos he wasnt super rich and made, but after several yrs of a happy marriage,she is still complaining about the loosers she is dating and I am still very happy with my not rich husband but we are super happy:)

    • Diamond November 29, 2010 at 3:14 pm

      NOW thats wat you call a list..thanks girl

      LOL Jayfunde hahahhaa that is so funny but very true..As someone said, as you grow other ur list become realistic..very true.hahha I want someone with tripple citizenship..lol no african country please.

      • Diamond November 29, 2010 at 3:30 pm

        *as you grow older*

  • busayour November 28, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    LMAO. Funny i used to be like that oo. But thank God for making me realize that else.. But trust me wen i say some girls i like that. One of my gf say she no fit marry man way no get gucci for his closet. Really ??? i just look at her and laff.Only if she knew.

  • Felix November 28, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    Well, religion has been the greatest form of hypnotism: where people are confused about the possible and impossible.

    That your aunty, dem suppose drive am from church,lol.

  • Deez November 28, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    You can't see me but I'm standing and clapping because you told it like it it.

  • iTalk November 28, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    Great article……

    Truth is everyone has a criteria just that with some people, even most; the list becomes ridiculously overwhelming…..

    As one grows up, the list starts to take a more realistic shape….. Problem come be say no be everyone dey rounded in all areas so the thing fit come get crayfich shape… hehehe.. Thus the misguided criteria….

    This also applies to men o…..

    With men, it can even get worse…..

    Na great article Jayfunade….

    Cheers…

  • dte November 29, 2010 at 6:55 am

    In d real sense, wetin woman dey find for list, that list is just a joke, and like the poster said, pray all you like……..lol

  • pearl November 29, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Lmao. Na wa o,I used to have a long ass list too,prob thats y am still single at 23 with no sex life what so ever.i once refused to date this dude cos he has tribal marks,and big head.As in i dont want ugly children calling me mommy, it will kill me Hehehe. I started working on things,and i hope my Mr now will be my Mr right*keeping my fingers crossed*

  • omo jesu December 2, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    this was a good topic to write on but sadly was poorly written. cmon you can definitely do better than this..

    • jayfunade December 3, 2010 at 9:13 pm

      Duh, its a combo of english and pidgin. warever, mr i can write better. msheww.

      • Omo Jesu December 4, 2010 at 12:49 am

        lol…feeling a little animosity here…eva heard of constructive criticism?? abi e juss dey pain u say i yarn true…lol

        • jayfunade December 4, 2010 at 4:41 am

          lol. Y e go pain me ? Am not paid to do it. I am not writing Jamb or TOEFL so y bother dot my t's and cross my i's. This was written for fun so lighten up rather than looking for the mistakes. Besides, this website aint for professional writing.

    • madam December 5, 2010 at 5:23 am

      LWKMD hay! u funny sha!

  • jobsfornaija December 5, 2010 at 12:10 pm

    Well, i didnt have a long list oh….but am still single

    lol

  • NoLimit December 30, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    Rofl!

    couldn't help cracking up at this post!

    You're on point…may long throat not kill us all!

  • Loveth March 29, 2011 at 3:08 am

    OMG wow i cant stop laughing.

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