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Stop Apologizing…

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It really starts with a stare, simple as that. I feel you turn and I notice your eyes follow me. In my mind I’m wondering, “gosh another one”. My eyes cold, dark, the eyes that have seen enough, but still you approach me with “a simple hello”. It’s actually more complicated than you think. It hurts to smile back but I do anyways just to seem cordial. I see right through you. The eyes of a deceiver, liar, and other things I rather not name but that “something” which we call Faith creeps in uninvited and the whirlwind beings. From day 1, I saw everything, but faith saved you. So don’t apologize to me, apologize to Faith….…..

The conversation is going deeper than I would like and trust and believe that my body was being posed by the mere spirits of love. I wanted to see something different, I wanted that laugh I hear from you to be genuine. Faith wanted it, hope wanted it, but my mind was reluctant and my heart wasn’t even in the picture. What you noticed wasn’t me admiring, I was in deep thought of what will be and how it will become. A daydream of prince charming comes to mind which explains my googley eyes.  I hope you could be him. My mind and my heart knows that it couldn’t be you, but try telling that to hope and faith and see if they will listen….. Apologize to hope this time…..

You allowed me, rather I allowed myself to talk endlessly about my past relationships filled with hurt and betray and watched you take it all in and a sense of pity took over you. I telling you this so you can understand that I’ve been through it all and would like for you not to add onto it. But you didn’t get it… don’t worry… You are probably getting ready to apologize for something you know you were doing.  You have every knowledge and repercussion of your actions, but yet you did what you did. there was one time I knew we was beating the same beat and when I saw something good but that time it lasted gave me that “your different” beat in my heart. So do me a favor and apologize to my heart…..

For one thing, you’re right about your timing and about me being the right one. Well I guess I wasn’t so right for you because apparently I’m not there anymore. I knew you like an open book. Your book was actually transparent… The same beginnings, the same endings… I’m the right one, but the story pretty much ended the same, it ended. I knew it will end from the first day I met you. I just didn’t know how it was going to play out. God gave me the patience to see me through the lies, betrayals… etc but the devil had you telling another tale. The feeling of you triumphing when I was crying, you thinking in your head “yes I got another one”… so save your apology, I don’t need it.

All you had to do was to be honest. Every female says that, but how many of us are actually ready to hear the truth? I’ll answer that question for us… none of us. So if we are not ready to hear the stuff in-between the lines telling them to be honest is not even in the equation. Look into his eyes… if there is nothing there… then smile and walk away. Stop thinking of a “what if”… we are not women of “what ifs”…. It is or it isn’t… simple as that… but who likes simple? No we want to complicate things and hop in the car for a joy ride… but when he says the ride is over we don’t want to get out … you don’t need a man with a fast car…. Fast cars crashget a man with a bicycle… or even someone who likes to walk… the pace is good… and its steady… so stop accepting apologizes… we already knew the game… we are only looking for a story to tell others…..

image source: http://nwso.net/2009/12/15/the-death-of-black-love-why-do-black-relationships-fail/


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Comments

Comments
  • iTalk January 31, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Big sigh…..

    I love this article…..

    We as humans cling to hope, even if the inevitable truth of a pain-filled future stares us right in the eyes…..

    its almost like sitting and enduring the fumes that gets in ur eyes from fanning the fire being used to cook someone else's meal (which u arent going to eat out of)….. we all know the end result of that….

    I guess its what makes us humnan…..

    Nice one @ Swayyze

  • Aribaba February 1, 2011 at 5:17 am

    Deeeeep!!!

  • SmartOne February 1, 2011 at 8:50 am

    In a sentence ; Follow your instincts.

  • Deez February 1, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    Perfect! I heard a quote once that goes like this: "The heart wants what the heart wants. Even that which is worst for it"

    • Blaze May 16, 2011 at 6:59 pm

      TYVM you’ve svoled all my problems

  • Deebs February 2, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    love it! very poetic prose…very honest

  • mercy February 2, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    This is good, just what every woman needs.

  • Toin February 3, 2011 at 3:15 am

    Very Ironic, but gives a very good deep sense of truth

  • Vee February 6, 2011 at 1:46 am

    This is nice, you are so right

  • Chika February 23, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Hmmm! Deep!

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