Are You A Real Man?

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If you’re really interested in getting interest from the ladies just follow these simple tips…they’ll have the ladies lining up. We find your behaviour (more than your abs), sexy.

1. Stop playing games with yourself and others, especially women.

One of the first signs of manhood is the absence of games of deception and trickery in your life. Rather than making women or friends do a run around for your time and attention, real men have focus and discipline and they also know what they want and how to get it. If you are really not that into a woman, let her know and be crystal clear about that fact. This idea of being intentionally vague and non-committal so that you can have several women at once is a waste of your time but also a waste of their time as well. Be clear about what you want and make sure you communicate that effectively. Trust me, everyone will be happier, you included. But the only way to do this is if you choose to…

2. Be honest with yourself

Be honest about your relationships, your work, your responsibilities and whether you can meet the demands placed on your energy and time. Instead of avoiding relationships and responsibilities, take time to make note of what you’ve committed yourself to doing and communicate to yourself, and those involved, as to whether you can meet these responsibilities or not. One the biggest let-downs in human interactions is when someone fails to ‘show up’ when they have promised their presence and time to that person or event. Failing to show up for people or for events is often rooted in a lack of honesty and follow through with regard to whether you really wanted to or were in a position to attend. So be honest and have the guts to say no when you know you can’t or don’t want to show up.

3. Acknowledge how your past has shaped you both positively and negatively

This is perhaps an area where many men are challenged: the inability to analyse your past and see how it affects the way you behave and interact today. It’s truly worth it, no matter how wack you think you are at self-analysis, to take some time to back up and think about how your past has shaped you. A particularly useful time to do this is when a relationship or situation has been messed up because of YOUR behaviour. Think about why you messed things up and identify whether that self-sabotaging behaviour is common in your life. Take time to think about what positive behaviour your past has taught you and what negative ones…Perhaps you’re trusting  because you had family members that were there for you, but at the same time this may make you afraid of responsibility because there was always someone else to ‘handle it’ in your family. Just take time to think about it, and ask your friends what they think….if you have the guts. J

4. Actively work at identifying and addressing your emotions- Stop avoiding them.

Emotions are a part of life. If men were not meant to feel emotions, they would not have been born with the capacity to feel them. If men are not meant to cry, they wouldn’t be born with tear ducts. That said, identifying and addressing emotions is probably one of the hardest things for men to do. But really, men have to STOP avoiding their emotions. Yes, we understand that ya’ll are socialised to avoid your emotions but that does not mean you have to live the rest of your life doing so. The avoidance and suppression of emotions in men is probably one of the main reasons that men are more prone to, for example, violent outbursts and substance abuse than women are. Remember men, more so than women, have the social license to resolve inner tension and emotional tempests by lashing out and hurting those around them. Yes society generally finds all forms of abuse abhorrent but women get way more judgement and negative energy if they do so than if men do. Another thing to watch out for is how men tend to channel all their negative emotions into one socially acceptable, sufficiently ‘manly’ emotion : Anger. Women have the social license to express the full range of their emotions (thereby creating the myth that women are ‘more emotional’ than men but that’s a discussion for another day). Men on the other hand are encouraged to express all difficult emotions as anger. So when a man is sad, he becomes angry. Disappointed? Angry. Depressed? Angry. Threatened? Angry…you get the idea. Sadly a natural consequence of anger is violence. So this inability to properly channel anger may be one of the reasons men are too often the perpetrators of violence. So guys, be careful. Don’t fall into that trap of falling into anger whenever an uncomfortable emotion rears its head.  Acknowledge it, identify it and respond appropriately either by going for a run or talking to someone about it.  Just don’t ignore it.

5. Find avenues through which you can release your anger and stress

This leads from the anger and emotions point.  It is absolutely critical that men identify at least 3 to 5 ways through which they can let go, let loose and let free their inner tensions. It is important this is done in a constructive manner otherwise running to alcohol, drugs and abusive behaviour will continue to be the destructive menaces through which men ‘work through’ their emotions. Not cool. So here is a brief list of what men can do when they need to get rid of inner tensions and stress[i], [ii], [iii]:

• Give yourself a rant window: Give yourself the permission to rant about what’s bugging you. You’ll probably find a sympathetic ear  (probably from a woman) who will ooh and aah while you rant. Just don’t overdo it and become the seasoned complainer.
• Write everything you want to express in a letter: This is a useful way of not only releasing the inner tension but also figuring out what exactly is bothering so that you can figure out what you will do with the situation, event or person who is (are) causing the problem in you. (yes that was a loooong sentence)
• Understand your responsibility. Try to figure out how you could have been partially responsible for what happened. What could you have done to prevent it, and how can you prevent it from happening next time? This isn’t to say you’re taking all the blame, or taking responsibility away from the other person, but it is important to acknowledge the role you played in the situation.
• Engage in activities you love: Drawing, listening to music, watching sports, cooking, whatever it is, engaging in what you love doing can will help chase away the tension.
• Get active: Go for a run, a hike, a swim a stroll in the park, whatever. Just get out get active and let the tension go physically.
• Laugh it out: Laughter soothes tension. So go watch something that makes you laugh. You’ll feel better afterwards.