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Giving It Up On The First Date; Are We Still Judged By It?

Now I’m sure all the holier than thou peeps are about to get their panties in a bunch just from the title alone, but none the less I’m here to talk about having sex. And doing it on the first date.

I’m a 21st century woman, and I’m a lover of sex. I don’t consider myself an ashawo or anything like that but I do believe in sexual freedom, meaning if I want to have sex, I do, and I don’t need permission or clearance to do so. I’m sure some people have already called me names from my statement, but it’s whatever.

I was having a discussion with a few friends over drinks (that’s when everyone is honest) and the issue of sex on the first date came up. Now before I go into all that, let me just give a mini story.

A while ago, I was introduced to a guy by a mutual friend via facebook. Very good looking guy, so after a few messages we connected on BB, and chatted up a bit and over the next few days we talked and got to know each other, and all that good stuff. Eventually I agreed to go out on a date with him.

The date was as good as any date I had been on. He was just as handsome as I expected via his pictures, we talked about a range of topics, and he pretty much impressed me with his intellect, and vast knowledge on a lot of things. This guy was very well rounded.

After dinner, we headed to a bar, had a few drinks, then we’re in the club dancing the night away, and I’m having a time of my life. Slow dancing, extra touching, and one thing leads to another and we find ourselves at his apartment making out on the couch.

Pause.

Now at this point, the girl in me is thinking “Slow Down” but everything else points to letting things flow, and let it flow it did. We had sex. Great sex if I might add, and that was beginning of a 15 month relationship. We broke up eventually for numerous reason but we remain friends.

Back to the present now, and I tell my friends of my sex on the first date story and how it lead to my last relationship, and to my surprise I was judged by almost everyone. The guys, the girls, and I’m sure the bottles too. “How could you?” “That’s ashawo behavior” “That’s probably why you guys didn’t last. He never respected you.” You would think I offered to have sex with him for money.

I personally think that if it feels right, then go ahead with it. I’ve done the whole “wait for the 3rd date” thing, and guess what? After that date where we had sex, a few days later he was acting funny and a week or 2 later he was history. I have friends who hold out for months, and once the guy gets the nookie, he bails. So really, what’s the big deal with having sex on the first date? Why so much emphasis on it?

I’m of the opinion that it’s only an immature and insecure man that’ll hold that against you. One common statement I get from guys is “well if it was that easy for one guy, then maybe it’s easy for everyone.” Negative. Not every guy is able to win me over like that. One guy might take a few hours, and another might take 6 weeks. It’s all based on chemistry to me. Then again I might be wrong…

…I would think we would have gotten over this, but in 2012 are we (women) still being judged by when we put out?

Guys, what’s your opinion of a girl you have sex with on the first date?

Ladies, would you have sex with a guy on the first date?

I’d like to hear from both men and women.

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Comments

comments

23

110% woman. I speak my mind regardless of what people might think.

Comments

Comments
  • Stanley January 24, 2012 at 3:06 am

    I'm a guy and yes I will judge a girl if she has sex with me on the first date. It's just the way it is. Plus it's the perception it portrays out and I don't want to be with someone who is perceived as loose even if she really isnt.

    Perception is reality most times

  • Funke January 24, 2012 at 3:07 am

    I agree. It's only immature guys that bother about if you had sex 7 hrs and 45 mins after you officially met each other.

  • Ann January 24, 2012 at 3:31 am

    let’s b honest it happens 2 most of us if nt all, dis same pple judge each oda,its funny.

  • emizzle January 24, 2012 at 4:22 am

    it happened to me on the 25th of dec 2011.on d my 1st date with this girl i had sweet passionate sex with her,though she initial resisted but i had my way.she calls me every day ever since then.i dont believe she is cheap but i guess her body couldn’t resist my touch(trust me).since then sex for us is like a meal(i’m not a nymphomaniac)it just happened lyk dat.no big deal.

  • sex on the last date January 24, 2012 at 4:29 am

    why have sex with someone you arent married to at all?

  • wale2 - 08023654088 January 24, 2012 at 4:45 am

    first date or last date, i respect a lady for who she really is, and not by first date sex. What will be will be.

  • Doc P January 24, 2012 at 4:49 am

    Sex on the first date will most definitely make the guy look at you as cheap unless you guys knew each other well before meeting physically

  • olayemi January 24, 2012 at 4:57 am

    I actually don’t take it up against her and I don’t tink a girl should be called ashewo for dat as u av rightly said it depends on d chemistry if d relationship will work out it will and if won’t it will neva it doesn’t matter if u av sex on d first date or not

  • dr. evil January 24, 2012 at 5:04 am

    No big deal in doin it on d 1st date.if u feel d chemistry is mutual nd d mood is ryt why not?…after all why w8 for ages to do it only to end up unsatisfyd & disappointed..

  • Pandora January 24, 2012 at 5:23 am

    I think personally its no ones business but my view on sex on a first date generally doesn’t last. That the theory following it.

  • kay January 24, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Υя ryt, its stupid, av waitd bt d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥y all leave nd d prsn i had sex wit on d 1st date is stil wit me nd we av bin datn 4 14mnts nw

  • Gidiss January 24, 2012 at 6:13 am

    Guys don't have a problem with that….i personally do not have a problem with that, as long as we both know what we are looking for… But i will not do the "Hit and run" to any girl i believe i could have a successful relationship with…

    • @JoyouSweetBliss January 24, 2012 at 11:55 pm

      So then you will do the "Hit and run" to any girl you believe you won't have a successful relationship with???

  • steve jones January 24, 2012 at 8:30 am

    So.. I met a cute girl and the very first night we hung out, we did it! Here is the catch.. She was a virgin but she let me be the one. I don’t know what will happen in future but so far so good.. We are going strong.. And I feel like a real man. So that sex on first date rule is bollocks.

    • Bushgirl January 24, 2012 at 8:58 am

      lmao. Do you actually believe she's a virgin. Mumu boy. The girl played you, She's a virgin and she let you have sex the first night? U sef use your head.

      • ByteChunks January 24, 2012 at 9:51 am

        lol!!!!!! miracles happen…..
        Not spoil the guy festive season naaa….
        Oh!!! Christmas don pass sef.. sorry… lol

      • isypearl February 1, 2012 at 11:40 am

        Bushgirl, y do u tnk she was not a virgin? Person dey tell u smtn, u dey follow am drag…u dey dia wen e happun?

    • @JoyouSweetBliss January 24, 2012 at 11:50 pm

      Are you saying that it took having sex with a virgin on the first date for you to to "feel like a real man"? Since your relationship is still fresh… saying "…that sex on first date rule is bollocks." is not dependable. Doesn't guarantee anything but I don't want to end on a negative note.

      I hope your relationship with her stays strong!

      Stronger thank Kim Kardashian's mess (<—hatin')….Stronger than Seal and Heidi Klum! (<— no hate, I loved them) lol

  • ByteChunks January 24, 2012 at 8:44 am

    first date sex or not doesnt mean anything……
    men know from the moment they see u what they want from you (Fling, relationship, marriage material etc) just as a woman knows if she can sleep with a guy the first time she sets her eyes on him…..
    Dat said, further relations now strengthen what was initially felt but sometimes there is a cross over between the corresponding intention cos they are all seperated by a very thin line…….
    Note that i said man/woman and not boy/girl…..

    Time and experience shapes us all and that is portrayed in our relations with others…

    lovely write up….

    • @JoyouSweetBliss January 24, 2012 at 11:55 pm

      Reminds me of the 3 F's….a man knows the moment he interacts with you where to categorize you ..

      Friend
      Future
      Fling*

      *Fling is to replace the censored word……you minds in the gutter ;)

      • ByteChunks January 25, 2012 at 5:58 am

        Well i called it that cos these days not only adults have access to the ewb,…
        you should know that by now…..

        I'll foolow u on twitter, follow me back else i go vex….
        Go through my time line…
        i write so u might find some interesting things there….

        Cheers…

        • @JoyouSweetBliss January 25, 2012 at 6:48 pm

          lol that asterisk wasn't for you….i was joking around with readers who's mind might be in the gutter if they were thinking the other word instead of Fling :)~…but i didn't write it right lol

          Anyways, i'll consider following you ;)

  • Ted January 24, 2012 at 8:58 am

    It aint a big deal. If the Chemistry’s right do it. I still believe that a girl can ask a guy out and say ‘hey, i love you and i’ll love to spend the rest of ma life with you.

  • steve jones January 24, 2012 at 10:04 am

    @ Bushgirl, are you assuming that I don’t know what a virgin feels like?

    I’m no rookie in this field o! Anyway I’m not going to explain the challenges navigating a hymen breach! Lol!

    What bothers me though is that a lot of women don’t take an active role in safe sex. There’s a general perception of a laid back approach with new men!

    • Bushgirl January 24, 2012 at 10:26 am

      Ok o. If you say so. Most men can't even tell if the girl is just tight or she's a virgin. but carry on. Let me not make you start suspecting your madam.

  • @SpirytSista January 24, 2012 at 11:42 am

    "I personally think that if it feels right, then go ahead with it."

    really? wow.

    if you really think that, then i have nothing more to say to u.

    God help u. And good luck finding a good man. No good man, will want a girl who gives it up so easy to everyone. You are a prize and you should treat yourself like one.

    • Funke January 24, 2012 at 7:11 pm

      Judgmental much?

    • @JoyouSweetBliss January 24, 2012 at 11:38 pm

      In reply to "No good man, will want a girl who gives it up so easy to everyone."

      Not that I agree with it… she did say how "Not ***every guy*** is able to win me over like that. One guy might take a few hours, and another might take 6 weeks. It’s all based on chemistry to me. Then again I might be wrong…"

      I do agree with you saying "No "Good" man will want a girl who gives it up so easy"……it all depends on what is the definition of a "good" man…do you mean a man of GOD?

      There is irony in some relationships… I believe I've read in the past somewhere that a man and woman got married even after they had sex on the first date. Now I have not followed up (lol) to know whether their still together or divorced but its really to each their own when it comes down to it.

      I believe its a major risk and the odds are high whether you'll marry. So I myself wouldn't chance it just because I read about **1** couple marrying after having sex on the first date.

  • Nonso Daflyboy LokeLoke January 24, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    It all depends on the perception the guy had from the onset before meeting with the lady. If he only wants the sex,then he says the girl is cheap, if he wants a long lasting relation, the former won’t be uttered. And this issue about sex on the first date also depends on the chemistry between the persons involved. So my conclusion ends at perception,desires and chemistry.

  • Titi January 24, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    @spiritySista u’re def one of those holy nweje babes that like to form good good. Next thing u’ll get played by some guy that swear he loves.

    It’s her choice and u don’t have to agree with it.

    • @SpirytSista January 25, 2012 at 3:00 am

      i won't get played by anybody.
      i know its her choice, but i will publicly oppose it b/c she may lead other ppl astray

      i just really hate when woman don't value the body that God gave them. It's not for any Tom Dick and Harry to have his way with. Its body for one special man who makes a vow before God to love, protect, and give his life for you.

      • @JoyouSweetBliss January 25, 2012 at 7:06 pm

        Hate is such a harsh word but I feel where your coming from. There will always be multiple men out there that can turn one woman on, doesn't mean that that one woman should give in and allow those multiple men to enjoy her body.

        I'm not a saint… I have been careless with my body and I speak from experience; there have been more than a few men I've dated/talked to that have turned me on. But I was not one to give in right away unless I got to know him longer than the first date/a few months since I want more than a sexual relationship.

        For example, one night dude got me so hot and bothered but luckily I found sense to say No. The more I got to know dude, more I got turned off. Although he had the skills to turn me on physically, he lacked skills to attract me mentally and spiritually BIG TIME.

        Unfortunately waiting 3 months or 6 months in future relationships has not been successful. No good came out of it since I'm single…..bad judgement on my part again. So I know better to respect my body. There are men out there that will respect your wishes. And if he is intelligent enough, he will the benefits of a woman who asks you to wait is better than woman that agrees to sex too soon before you get to see each other's true colors.

  • toyin January 24, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    dere’s no big deal n it,also ave experienced such b4 funniest part of is dat i lost my virginity dat day,so only an unexposed nd immatured guy wld tink d lady is cheap

  • itsjustayo January 24, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    I think Most Guys Always Want sex on the first date. But, by my theory sex on the first date is so overrated. Every Girl has that feeling that, if the Dude Knack u Apako on the first date, there are chanced , he wont stay. While some girls don't really care and are carried away by Love (Lust, my guy get Packs or he resemble idris elba). It depends on You sha, some last and some don't.
    Well By My Book, Sex on the First date will Ginger the relationship, the Babe Must know if you can Knack, before Ya'll Go Further…

    Okbye

  • @young_verses January 24, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    Really, i don’t see anything wrong wit this..happened to a friend (victor) .. He met this chick (precious) at a friends house party for the first time and they had sex rite there (was an overnite party).. I swear by my DOUBTABLE virginity he broke up wit his gulfrnd at the time who had been putting him on a longtin, presently he is dating Precious…

    (easy Style) In conclusion Chemistry lo matter jare !

  • bernard January 24, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    Hmmmm…..won’t really judge a chic if I succeed havin sex wit her 1st date….jus means I was so cool and our chemistry jus blended well.

  • nblinks January 24, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    I will not judge any woman on this. If a man can do it on the first date then what should stop a woman. If I like him. I will do it.

  • @JoyouSweetBliss January 24, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    My only concern is the pros and cons of sex on the first date. I believe the cons will outweigh the pros in MOST cases. Such as the relationship will eventually end.

    We all make a point to show our best side when we meet someone and eventually our flaws will show up inevitably. Nothing wrong with flaws. Its just a matter of how the relationship can last based on how a man a woman can make reasonable adjustments and positive changes on those flaws to sustain their happiness with each other.

    It's better to be safe than sorry as well. ….Its easy to read about your experience and assume that I won't get pregnant because you did it on the first date and sounds like you didn't get pregnant but I always tell myself that

    there is a FINE line between pleasure and pregnancy or pain…..

    a woman is at risk of getting pregnant on the first date, a woman is at risk of catching an std from a man she doesn't know on the first date….holding off for a while could save you from that…..its another level of conversation if you fall pregnant or catch something after waiting three dates or three months in my opinion….there is a difference in the amount of time you wait.

    Because you had time to make a better judgement and if your time to make the best judgement was not used effectively then a chance will occur where you will fall pregnant, catch something or the relationship ends and your heartbroken.

    Yes its the 21st century but no matter the century. All women aren't created equal in mentality and emotionally so we can't all adjust to the perception that its ok to "do it" on the first date!

    Plus all men and women aren't created equal especially when it comes to what outcomes will occur from sleeping together on the first date so judgement is inevitable.

    A man can grow an ego for scoring! for the first time on the first date and assume that if he can do it once then he could find another "sexier" woman and do it again so now the woman he left has no value to him anymore and a negative cycle can occur from that. Where that woman will judge that man as a DOG and use that experience to measure whether another man is acting the same way.

    Not all woman can shrug their shoulders and say "All well, it was fun while it lasted…" ……at least thats the vibe I was getting from what I read…..I couldn't.

  • Johnson January 25, 2012 at 1:58 am

    Sex on d 1st date is a memorable thing.it happen 2 me nd i will neva 4get dat day.let me say dis dat nothing bad in dis thing,it happen 2 almost evrybody.so just try 2 have the experience nd u will enjoy it.

  • cooldude January 25, 2012 at 8:02 am

    I had sex with ♍γ̲̣̣̥ girlfriend on τ̅hǝ̩̩̩̥ first date Ãήϑ we ♓αvﻉ been I̅ƞ a four years relationship ₪☺ω. Å̶̷̩̥͡•̸Ϟ even hoping to G̶̲̥̅ε̲̣̣̣̥τ̲̅ married to her soon ‎​§☺ i think it depends on what τ̅hǝ̩̩̩̥ guy really wants Ãήϑ τ̅hǝ̩̩̩̥ guy’s personal opinion

  • @iamThaSniper January 25, 2012 at 9:07 am

    First off,if u wanna have sex wit me,U’ve got great judgement.Also,if u wanna have sex wit me on the first date,it says a lot about how quickly ur good judgement works and I’ll definitely respect that.Girls that think postponing sex wit a guy they really lyk are just fooling themselves cos in most cases,the guy disappears after he hits that.When I meet somebody,I already know what I want after the first two minutes of convo so holding out on me isn’t gonna change my mind

  • CaramelD January 25, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Right, here is my problem. Sleeping with someone means I trust you, not just with my physical wellbeing but with my emotional wellbeing. I can't give my pin number to someone I have just met and I certainly can't sleep with someone I have just met. The amount of time before you sleep with someone isn't about playing by some kind of moral or spiritual rule book but about feeling that you are with someone who treasures being with you in the most intimate kind of way and will value that experience. Now, waiting 5 days, weeks, months or years doesn't mean that things can't go wrong but I personally I know I could never sleep with a near stranger on the first date.

  • waffi girl January 25, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    nothing wrong with it..to each her own!!

  • Sushi boy January 25, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Sex at first date isnt such a big deal, since u guys must have been chatting and talking before d date. . . After sex , d guys or girls behaviour will let u knw whether d relationship will last. . .most guys play d gud guy on ist date and when they finally have their way the relationship is over. So dnt judge a girl on sex on ist date. . .

  • Mario January 25, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    I wanna be frank we all act like we dont feel like having sex on d first date and den we go home on our beds and keep borging our little heads over wat we shld av done and wat we shldnt have which would have led us to a grt sexual platform. Well personally if d grl is fucking cute den y nt and if she wants to y not. Even if it 100yrs away frm d first date if a guy or grl wants 2 judge u as an ashy They will so stop fooling around and be matured as d writter has rightly said….and yeah i’ll love d grls dat askes me out,cos our relationship will last d longest cos 1. I appreciated them for been honest 2. For been bold and brave and 3. For not lying and pretending which shows me a glimpse into d future of much more Honesty. I’m out , Peace

  • esdee January 25, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Ok, here’s my view…I fink having sex on the first date is not bad if u actually knws what u’re doing..cos apparently the whole idea actually lies on what u guys hav as plans for each other. If u grow to like eachother then it’s cool and fuck the law that doesn’t allow for a nookie on the first date

  • KeepingItReal January 25, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    While I know sey e no easy to hold body, ladies remember that for every guy u sleep with it reduces the chances of you marrying anyone in his network. Make no-one deceive you, guys were created with an ego and no man will settle for a cheap lady. And I said man not boy, cos some boys no get choice and dem fit chop crumbs. It's a universal principle that if you were cheap to me, there's a high possibility that you'd be cheap to the next guy. And why settle for you and walk around in shame or suspicion when I can play with you and marry the untainted lady next door. Now remember, I'm talking a long-term relationship or possibly marriage, and not those 4months relationships that most boys offer.

    • Jady. April 17, 2012 at 5:42 am

      You are perfectly right!!!

  • KeepingItReal January 25, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Most guys will attempt sex on the first date, yes even me. It's your job to control us, if you're ever interested in a long term relationship with us. I still dey laff one comment wey talk sey a guy leave im babe wey no gree drop for one fling wey im meet. Why u know finish the story. I can bet my house and cars sey im go soon already dump the fling and im former babe go soon find man wey go marry am. That's the wey the story goes. But not everyone is meant to be married. Ask ur unmarried Aunt for confirmation.
    Enough said, y'all have fun. Gals, make nobody deceive una but if you no gree I can leave my nos. Afterall me sef resemble Idris Elba small :-D

    • ByteChunks January 26, 2012 at 1:21 am

      lol!!!!! u don kill me….
      Well, bottom line be say there is no formula…..
      All our experinces and preferences are guidelines…..
      i feel you though..

  • teejazz January 26, 2012 at 3:12 am

    No big deal…..so far its a mutual agreement.

  • Adaugo January 26, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    i dont really care about having sex on ur first date, but the lady should know who she is giving that "heaven on earth to". That first date is meant to make the partners know each other better. Then he/she will know what the partner likes and stuff like dat. In my understanding "MEN" (not boys) love women with dignity, self control and respect for themselves. So its up to the girl/woman to make her decision.

  • kie kie January 26, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    The way we av sex might differ but d fact is a guy is in a girl. When nd where we av it might be different but d sex can’t be erased. What matters most is d motive behind the sex. If u av sex on the 1st date, from d flow d guy will b able to tell if u r a bitch or not. How he feels inside of d girl says a lot abt her sex pattern. U knw wat it means wen u enter a girl nd it feels lik u put a spoon in a milo can. For the guys: if in 2012 u still count scores on how many girls u’ve slept with den u might b loosing grip on ur sex skills “its not how far, but how well”. How many actually came on or under u?#wink

  • sotfd January 26, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    u guys shud chill oh….by sex on the first date, in the article she's talking of a guy she just met oh…they haven't physically seen each other. and they just had sex..i know its spontaneous and all but the guy will most likely judge u on that. cos this is not a guy or girl u've been scoping from afar, u just met via facebook, u guys meet and jump in bed together… looks more like conji(agro) than just "going with the flow"

  • dimanchetheman January 27, 2012 at 12:28 am

    Sex on the first date is no longer viewed as a mortal sin nowadays. However, a few realities play out in this matter. First, if you flesh each other out on the first date and then you discover that either of you are grossly incompatible, you feel cheap and used!

    Second, sex on the first date may be bad judgement cos ya’ll are gonna be on your best behaviours! So why not chill a bit, gauge your partner for a while, then have astrosex if he or she fits your bill… Abi?

  • Tb January 28, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Sex doesn’t determine respect though , if he doesn’t respect ui bcus of dat , then he doesn’t respect women in general , notin to do with u

  • Ooppzziiee January 29, 2012 at 4:56 am

    Well if I have sex on the first day it depends on how the girl reacted when I intended to do it . If she wasn’t reluctant that says a lot but actually every guy will want to have sex on the first date , it’s no big deal cos whether she agrees on d first day or after 2 yrs that doesn’t mean if he want to hit n run he won’t so just follow ur heart and enjoy ! Peace

  • onlyifyouknew January 30, 2012 at 7:04 am

    Well, i actually respect a lady that is her very self and i wont judge her by having sex on a first date. If there are one nite stands happening den how has it got to affect ur having sex on a first date? Point is, first date or last date, sex is inevitable. Not talking from a guys perspective but from d 21st century that we in. its time we followed d freedom of our desires. will do sex on a first date over & over again with Babymii any lifetime.

  • chidi destiny February 9, 2012 at 1:35 am

    To me sex on τ̲̅ђe first date is Ŋ¤τ̲̅ bad, as far as τ̲̅ђe she and him agrees 2 do it…. I hv find ma self i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ such situation more than twice, and τ̲̅ђe funny thing is that of all τ̲̅ђe relationship hv been into, τ̲̅ђe babes who I had sex with on our first date A̶̲̥̅яε̲̣̣̣̥ τ̲̅ђe ones I luv more and our relationship also last longer than those ones that will give U̶̲̥̅̊ head-ache b4 U̶̲̥̅̊ ride with them.

  • jane March 31, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    It don’t matter when happend first oh last oh is will surely happen. Jane

  • Michael April 17, 2012 at 11:46 am

    I believe that its just the African mentality that goes with the 'sex on first date issue'
    All I have to say is I do not see anything wrong in that.
    But according to the Bible as christians .. no sex till marriage x_X
    I'm not a saint oh ..
    as a matter of face I've deflowered quite a number of girls on first date.
    My point, though, is there is absolutely nothing wrong in sex on frst date. My opinion

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