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Mistress Girlfriends: In “Committed” Relationships with Married Men

 

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“He cannot stand her.  They haven’t lived together in years.  They don’t get along”  are the most common phrases used to justify being a mistress.  Women reason that because their boyfriends are separated or unhappy with their marriage, it makes it okay to have a relationship with someone else’s husband.  However, any woman presenting herself as a girlfriend when in a relationship with a married man is deceiving herself because the only title best-fitting her is mistress.

 

Take for example aunty Ihuoma, (called aunty out of respect-no direct relation) a 47 year old mother of four children.  Her boyfriend of seven years has an estranged wife who he has been legally married to for more than 20 years.  While the two have been separated for 10 years, it was no mutual agreement-he abandoned her.  Despite knowing about his relationship status, aunty Ihuoma  has had two children by him.  Furthermore, she presents her boyfriend to people as her husband and even wears a useless ring on her left finger to throw people off.  Her need to pretend shows that she is embarrassed about her situation and as a result she lies about the family she wishes to have.

 

In recent conversation, a former colleague explained that her boyfriend of six years has yet to get a divorce.  It’s strange because anyone would think that six years is plenty of time to legally end a marriage. She continues to be with him because she expresses she cannot see herself with anyone else and whether he is married or not, she is in love with him.  Though many would ask, if made immediately aware about a man’s relationship status, why get involved because naturally, emotions start to develop as effort from both parties are made. Before pursuing relationships outside of the marriage, the practical thing to do is to end it if it is truly over.

 

To outsiders looking in, they would assume that their relationship is perfectly legit.  She and her boyfriend live together, go grocery shopping together, sleep together in the same hotel bed whenever they travel, and do everything else in “perfect” harmony. Obviously, the two act as a normal couple though in actuality their entire relationship is a lie. The truth is that as long as he is married she will never be his wife whether she chooses to propose for a second time. YES, a second time.  Her proposal to marry her boyfriend led to nothing-he dismissed her gesture by laughing it off and the two clearly remain unmarried.  As long as he is married, another woman bears his last name and a more respectable title other than mistress.

 

A well known public figure, R&B singer Fantasia was the center in a huge scandal that involved a married man for the last three years.  Some months after dating her boyfriend Antwaun, she learned that he was married and took to the public by explaining that she did not know of his relationship status.  As expected, her first reaction was to get upset with him.  However, she obviously got over it and went back to him.  Her excuse for continuing the relationship was that he was separated and going through the divorce process.   Clearly, as long as she was promised by her boyfriend that he would get a divorce, it made it okay to continue being with him because eventually he was going to officially be unmarried.

 

Women in these relationships have the audacity to have demands such as deadlines on when they would like to see a divorce happen.  There would be no demands of that sort if in an honest relationship.

 

Regardless of whether a husband and wife hate each other and are completely over their relationship, or they both have moved on and live separately, marriage is still…marriage.

 

By: Ashley I. Okonkwo

 

Image source: http://www.solemag.com/2010/11/29/who-is-the-other-woman-are-you-the-other-woman/

 


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Igbo Babe. Plantain & Puff Puff Connoisseur. My first hobby was writing. Staring at me makes me uncomfortable, I rather you just compliment instead. I prepare a take home bag first, then I eat. Every Naija DJ's nightmare. My phone never dies, I just turn it off. I hide in public corners and dance when I can't help it. Big portions only, anything else is just snack. I scare people when I open my container for lunch. I'm not a hater, I just sub a lot.

Comments

Comments
  • oysta February 22, 2012 at 11:03 am

    this was a great read you know it is really sad how mistress gfs are and how their "commited" relationship is all in their head great read really interesting

  • Yomi February 22, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I totally agree! I wonder how this women will feel if they were the ones being cheated on and if you are with a man for six year while he is still married, what makes you think he will eventually live her for you? Some women just need to grow up and understand that men are greedy!

  • dver February 22, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Its even more disgusting when there is no seperation or divorce in sight in the marriage. To think that mistresses expect to be happy when their so called relationship is causing misery fr the wife. However this issue s such a sad one cos it didn’t start in this century and am not sure there is an end in sight. My mssg to participating parties is that brace yourselves you reap what you sow.

    • Ify February 22, 2012 at 1:14 pm

      yes, i agree with your expressions. u surely reap what you sow

  • avery February 22, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    i agree! it is really sad how some people can be

  • Travis key February 22, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Great article, i completely agree that having a mistress is not right. Marriage is a sacred bond that is to only be shared between two people in my country. In my opinion the women involved in these affairs are of low self esteem and weak heart, making them susceptible to men who believe having a mistress is ok. In reality these women just want to be loved and if a man is showing that, married or not they respond. While the article is about “mistress”. I belive this is only a reflection of the weakend state in which we hold marriage to today. It was once sacred and powerful but in society today it is rare to see that. I think a good follow up article would be “How stong is marriage In society today?” . But this is well written and it properly adresses a touchy topic. Great read!

  • nne February 22, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Like the saying goes, how you get him is usually how you lose him

  • maga February 22, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    all gals,ladies r asholes nd ll eva b asholes. Ladies lv 2 b deceived, they hate d truth. Dats y dey r cald bitches. Nd i’ll kip fukn, deceivn, matreatn, pregnantn nd cheatn dem til i die

  • Chi February 22, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Ummm idk where to start on the topic itself, but i always thought it was legit if the guy or if it’s a gIrl is going thru the divorce. But point well made

  • shakespearita February 22, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    great article :) more of these, please!

    • Ify February 22, 2012 at 8:53 pm

      Thank you. Im glad you enjoyed the read and you can expect more.

  • ChiChi O February 23, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Its very RARE for a married man to leave his wife or his family to marry the mistress. I dont care how unhappy he is at home but trust me, he is not very likely to leave his family for the mistress. He gets to use her…..I mean the mistress and satisfy whatever instant sexual urges but thats is about it. after all that, he goes home to the wife and keep promising the mistress that he is getting a divorce while also complaing about how horrible his wife is. he may even make it look like like the wifey is the one delaying their 'divorce' but its all games.
    Women should get smarter and know that dating a married man no matter how serious you believe it to be doesnt really get you anywhere but just comes with heartbreak and hurt.
    HE AINT LEAVING HIS FAMILY FOR YOU!!! YOU ARE JUST THE SIDE FLING.

  • Alex Petit-Frere February 27, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    This looks really good. It speaks the truth because women always think that they can change a man and that’s when they look like a fool.

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